I have gone through the betrayal of friends, and I feel reflected by your life story (Which you have generously shared with me)
True, surrender is the key. A priest told me that the whole problem is usually arrogance, that we want to do things our way after years of seeing that they don't work.
I'll talk about the diary tomorrow, in an article. For me, writing a diary is what made me discover my self-deceptions, and let go of the layers and masks.
Thank you for sharing your concept of spirituality, Adam. I wish you a terrific day.